29 April 2011
Warm greeting to all my brothers and sisters in Christ. It is my great honor to share my testimony as God blessed me the grace to become one with Him through Sacrament of Initiation during the Easter Vigil mass this year (2011). I want to thank God for showing me the way even though I had been waiting for six years for baptism due to my difficulties and obstacles.
I came to know and believe in Lord Jesus when I was very young and studied in Canossian School for the Hearing Impaired. After graduation, I enrolled into Montfort Secondary School and was on the Express stream. This was where I experienced my own "fall" due to my ego. Back then, I was arrogant and immature. When everything around me went wrong, I found myself in the state of depression and despair.
Suddenly, I noticed the unknown presence that kept nudging me. I remembered my first dream where I saw a man who looked like Lord Jesus in the painting. In my dream, I found myself in the dark atmosphere and saw an old woman who suddenly fell into the bottomless pit. I looked around and everyone looked as if in panic. Then, one man appeared and seemed to be able to calm the crowd. He entered into the pit and pulled the old woman out. Then, she appeared and looked as if she was praising God in ecstasy. The same man commanded the crowd as if he wanted them to follow him. I could not see his face as it was rather dark and blurry vision but I noticed he kept pointing the dark area which I could not figure. Shortly, I sensed it was Lord Jesus because he looked like Jesus.
My instincts implied that there was something in Lord Jesus. I did not know what it was but I decided to trust my gut feeling and follow it. So I started the spiritual journey six years ago as I wanted to know more about Lord Jesus out of curiosity. A senior man whom I met in workplace brought me to Church of Risen Christ to attend Charismatic rally for first time. It heightened my interest in Catholic faith. So he encouraged me to take Rite of Christian Initiation of Youth. However, I was too concerned about my own situation like O levels, family problems etc. So my attendance was not perfect. But I continued to pray to God unceasingly.
After O levels, I decided to go to Catholic Church to find out more about God. Then, I found myself in the Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Succour for the first time. That was four years ago. That time, I did not check online and map for directions. I simply followed my gut feeling and went there without any problem. I took RCIY again on my own and attended the Mass everyday. I think it was the Liturgy of the Holy Eucharist celebration attracting me to Catholic Church especially the Consecrated Bread and Wine.
Gradually, I took part in the Charismatic renewal group activities through which I eventually became the member over there. There was a notice in the Church bulletin that there was new group of Youth ministry, called Ministry of Expression for art talents. I decided to lend a hand and became its member. However, it only lasted for three years and closed down as there were only two of us. Then, I joined another youth group, Youth Arise Ministry which is also Charismatic group. After some months in RCIY, I found out that I could not get baptised because my parents did not allow it. If I got baptised back then, I would break the Ten Commandments and commit the grave sin of disobedience against God and my parents. But it did not stop me from being active in the Church. I was happy and contented despite the difficulties and problems.
If you ask me whether I had been to the protestant church before, I would say yes and they tried to convert me. One friend brought me to Faith Baptist Community Church where I experienced what it was like. Although they were able to outwit me due to my new faith, I was not very impressed with their teachings which I later found out to be lies and nonsense. Their place did not even look like the church! Although I was confused back then, thankfully my prayers managed to calm my confusion and I chose to continue my activities in Catholic church. Shortly, I stopped going to the protestant church and turned to Catholic church. That is where my faith found its foundation and started growing.
Although I experienced ups and downs in spiritual journey, I always felt happy. I remember two occassions. Firstly, in Charismatic activity, a young lady from China spoke to me and told me, "Brother, while we prayed together, Jesus was looking at you tenderly." Yes, it suprised me. The next, I attended the youth charismatic activity for Youth confirmation group in Holy Trinity because my group went there to help out. Then, one man told me after praying over me, "God said, 'You are my wonderful child.' " It touched my heart that I cried. Another man who also prayed over me, told me that he saw the vision of the bridge while praying over me.
Last year, I started to learn sign language (I used Sign English Exact) on my own due to my final year project in Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts where I earned the Diploma in Fine Arts, majoring in sculpture. When I studied in Canossian School for hearing impaired, they did not allow us to use sign language and forced us to speak. But we secretly used gestures and simple sign languages we knew outside because it is the natural way of deaf people communicating with each other. While I was practising SEE for three months, I met the interpreter and her boyfriend in the Church of Christ the King through our mutual friend. It was when I attended the Charismatic rally over there. To my surprise, she said I signed much better than her even though she was an expert in SEE for more than one year.
Then, they brought me to the special gathering of Singapore Catholic Deaf Community at the Church of Holy Trinity. Suddenly, it reminded me of another dream of mine. In my dream, I saw myself sitting on the pew in the church. There were so many people wearing white on top and black below. They looked like the laypeople and wardens. Strangely, they were so silent. Then, one Chinese man came to me and gestured me to go forward to the place seemed to be the altar. He did not even open his mouth and just simply smiled.
I thought they were angels because I know they are usually silent except they can communicate with us through spirituality. But it turned out that they represented SCDC who leads me to God. The chinese man turned out to be my Godfather! If you wonder why since my Godfather is Indian, it is because his family is the mixture of Chinese and Indian family. It is simply enough to convince me! *laugh*
So I sensed that God showed me my true calling in SCDC. I was really happy because I found deaf people who shared the same Catholic faith with me. I did not know why I did not know about SCDC even though I was so active for at least three years. But I know God has the reason. I guess God wants to train me to be true Catholic man before I get ready to serve SCDC where the challenges await for me.
Before baptism, I had another dream. In my dream, I was shopping in the wet market with my mum. Then, I received a letter. I did not know how I received it and who it was from. Anyway, it read, "F*** stay away from Catholic Church. F*** don't use Catechism of Catholic Church. Write to me again." There was no name mentioned but my instinct told me it was the devil himself warning me.
Then, I confirmed myself that Catholic Church is the true Holy Church set up by Lord Jesus long time ago and was glad to become Her member.
I discerned that my six years of waiting was really in God's plan because through six years in Catholic church, I came to learn more about God. It was really a perfect plan as the better I know Him, the more ardently will I love Him.
Thanks be to God for the gift of love. If I got baptised six years ago, I do not think I will be an enthusiastic and active Catholic like now because I had very little guidance back then since I am deaf and cannot communicate with hearing people well. I could become a lost Catholic easily. St. Bernard of Clairvaux said, "Zeal without knowledge is always less useful and effective than informed zeal, and is very often dangerous."
I want to thank Holy Spirit and my Guardian angel for guiding my instincts and gut feeling to Catholic church where I can get to see Most Holy Lord Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament daily.
I want to thank God for making me deaf so that it will be easier for me to find Him and become His child.
I also want to thank Blessed Mama Mary for Her constant prayers for me because Our Lady had answered my prayers sometimes. I believe She will help me to get closer and closer to Her Beloved Son, Our Lord Jesus.
All the praise and glory belong to God! Alleluia! Amen.
Please pardon me for being long-winded. Thank you for reading my story. It is really my blessing to know you all.
God bless!
~ Michael Gabriel Raphael
